​Clarity is the key to good writing. What's the point of 'adv | ..

​Clarity is the key to good writing.

What's the point of 'advanced grammar structures' and 'fancy schmancy vocabulary' if the examiners simply can't follow your train of thinking? This applies both to Task 1 and to Task 2. Here, check out this body paragraph written by one of my Writing students:

The proportion of American people eating in fast food restaurant several times a week varied between 15 % and 20 % throughout the period, while those attending there a few times per annum was 13 % initially and the last 2 years it increased by 2% remaining stable. By contrast, in none of these 3 years were more than 5 % of people in either the “ every day” and the “ never” category.

This is a nice (~)6.5 body paragraph, but it lacks clarity. Wherever possible, it's a good idea to keep things simple. Here's the rewritten version of the same body paragraph:

The proportion of people eating at fast food restaurants several times a week varied between 15 and 20% in the given period. In contrast, the number of infrequent visitors coming a few times a year, after a slight increase to 15% in 2006, remained unchanged. Finally, less than 5% of Americans never visited these restaurants, while the same share would frequent them on a daily basis.

Do you think the second version is easier to follow?
@ozodbek_SK